Post-garden post: Lettuce, anyone?

I’m going to open a restaurant.

 

Lettuce

 

Customer: So—what are you serving for lunch today?
Me: Well, we have shredded lettuce, torn lettuce, lettuce julienne, and mangled lettuce.
Customer: And the soup?
Me: Lettuce puree.
Customer: Hmm.
Me: And make up your mind quick, because it’s all going to start rotting in about five minutes!

I expect an enthusiastic, upscale clientel.

6 Responses to Post-garden post: Lettuce, anyone?

  1. Don’t forget the Italian variation: Lettucine.
    I am sorry that the heavens should have been so very mean to you. Bozeman, Montana seems a little harsh when it comes to weather: to have that much hail is a bit excessive.
    Had hostilities not ceased then I would probably have considered it some sort of divine retribution but instead you have my sympathies and best wishes for your Salad Days.

  2. Hmm. The mangled sounds good. Does that come with a salad?

  3. Kate, in one of my other lives as a waitress, the menu regularly featured B.L.T. soup: cream of bacon, lettuce and tomato soup! I hadn’t thought of that in years but reading your posts on the great lettuce debacle reminded me. It was the first restaurant in our area to feature a chalkboard menu that changed daily. The cashier had the task of putting chalk to board and writing out the menu. A customer once asked me what Boloto soup was … the cashier’s punctuation WAS a bit large that day.
    Here’s to a beautiful, bounteous and hail-free garden for you in the fall!

  4. Reminds me of the Two Ronnies’ sketch ‘The Complete Rook’. Although I’m sure your lettuce would be delicious.

  5. Well, James, if I make hungry where most I satisfy, then I’ll get rich.
    To you, Mr. S., I have this to say: Troublemaker. I always thought so.
    (And if there’s anyone out there who thinks I’m seriously angry, let me assure them that I’m not!)
    Cindy, can you get me that recipe? Before noon tomorrow?
    Thank you, Amanda. That’s dead on target. I didn’t know the Two Ronnies, but now I have another way to waste time! It’s always good to have a few extras up your sleeve.
    –Kate

  6. Looks a bit limp to me ;)
    So sorry that disaster has struck your garden. Think of it as a ‘redesign opportunity’.
    Don’t you just hate it when people come out with things like that?
    But I am sorry, really I am. Just can’t help being flippant, even in the teeth of adversity…

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