Dueling Limericks: so there, VP!

Socks

There have been intimations (ahem, VP) that the Dueling Bloggers might be willing to lay down arms or banjos. Nothing could be further from the truth. As to the suggestion that I, Kate of The Manic Gardener, An Organic Gardening Blog with Twisted Roots–and no, I don’t want to explain that name at the moment–am ready to beat a retreat, I laugh–ha ha!–and point out that it is James who has just "gone away," as he would put it, though fled would be nearer the truth.

For those of you who stumble, bewildered, upon one of the posts about this ongoing international dispute and who seek an even-handed account of its origins (i.e. you want to know what the hell is going on), good luck. If you find one, let me know. In the meantime, you’ll have to settle for my version, a soon-to-be-available-page on this  blog that lists all the relevant posts in order. If I’m miss ing any, tell me. (It tells you something about this dispute that you have to rely on a page that doesn’t yet exist, assembled by one of the main antagonists, to get any information at all.)

With apologies to James, Fred Astaire, all poets, the Thames, and anyone who cares about the English language, I offer the following poetical compositions for your reading pleasure:

                    I.
A blogger named Black-hearted James
for his sins was once tossed in the Thames;
    If you say, “That don’t rhyme,
    And me grammar’s just fine,”
You can join in his deep-water games.

                II.
The garden of James A.-Sinclair
Could out-tapdance bland Fred Astaire
    throw its hats in the air,
    toss its shirts everywhere,
And flower its socks off—what flair!

                    III.
There once was a blogger from Blackpitts
Whose flowers all suffered from sock-fits;
    When they bloomed they exploded
    (It seems they were loaded)
And tossed their socks skyward in cloth bits.

                    IV.
For crimes against Kate, Blackguard James
Deserved to be flung in the Thames.
    Said she, “Keep ‘im dry;
    If he’s wet he won’t fry—
What a waste of hell’s hottest flames.”

                    V.
James Alexander-Sinclair?
Last heard of, his garden was bare.
    It flowered its socks off,
    ‘till cops had to block off
The street, and a curfew declare.

                    VI.
A sniveling blackguard named James
Once crossed one of Montana’s dames:
    She wanted to shoot ‘im,
    But settled for hootin’
and hollering, “Them’s all false claims!”

14 Responses to Dueling Limericks: so there, VP!

  1. I’m still at a loss about the sock wars, but am thoroughly enjoying the posts. Love the limericks – well done!

  2. I’m highly partial to the third limerick, although the fifth has its charms as well. I look forward to the next salvo in the Great Sock Wars of 2008.

  3. Hilarious!! My first laugh of the day. Your limericks knock my socks off ;)

  4. To quote your comment right back atcha Kate ;)
    What have I started?
    And many thanks for the link!
    Hmm, I may have to break James’ plea for me not to write any more poetry. Otherwise I can see my crown as the queen of ‘bad’* poetry could be heading over the pond
    * = Remember ‘bad’ has 2 meanings!
    Looking forward to your roundup post :0

  5. Oooh and I forgot to say ‘Nice socks!’
    And I’ve since found out you’re an award winning limerick writer – congratulations! :)

  6. Kate’s attention was now drawn,
    To VP’s posting that morn,
    Of colourful socks
    Plus limericks that rocks,
    And plotted to make her forlorn
    Not one limerick, not two, nor three
    Did that Montana scribe decree
    Would take VP’s proud crown
    As a blogger of renown
    Famed for her bad poetry
    Six limericks it took
    To make Garden Monkey look
    To decide to award,
    And add to Kate’s hoard
    James’ lovely signed book
    James to Colonsay has now fled
    And VP’s taken to her bed,
    Hanging her head in shame
    At her departing fame
    With tears in her eyes so red

  7. I think limericks are a highly underrated art form. Kudos to you on resurrecting it for our pleasures!
    Robin Wedewer
    Gardening Examiner

  8. What a hoot! I love it!

  9. Kate,
    I thank you for your recent comment on my blog. Now, I know nothing of this fued, but my interest is peaked and I plead that you get that page up and running..soon!

  10. Thank you, Nancy, thank you.
    Kate, the Dueling Bloggers page is up, detailing each shot. It’s listed near the top of the right-hand column. If you start with the original Dueling Bloggers post, it should (?) make sense. (To the extent that sheer madness makes sense, that is.)
    Cindy, it’s nice to know which ones strike home. (Limericks that is, not salvos.) As for the salvos, they may be dying down. Check out the latest installment.
    Amy, I’m so glad I made you laugh! (I just read your latest, about getting into the garden–wonderful! And if you’re serious about zuccini recipes–I have a mean zuccini bread.) As to my limericks knocking your socks off–I won’t dignify that with a reply. I don’t know why so many people (and flowers, apparently) have so much difficulty hanging onto their clothes these days. It’s very odd.
    VP, you are incorrigible, unstoppable, and altogether unique. Now, I want you to sing those limericks.
    Robin, I agree. Underrated and underpaid. I’m going to start publishing the first two lines, and to get the rest, you have to put a penny in the pot. :)
    So glad you stopped by, Barbee–and enjoyed yourself. No trouble posting a comment, I presume?
    Glad I piqued your interest, Rhonda. I gave the full details on how to get the full story to Kate, above; I’m pretty sure she’s willing to share. Though given the way my conversations tend to degenerate these days, maybe I shouldn’t be so complacent.
    Thanks, all–
    Kate

  11. LaaaaaHHHH!
    That’s quite a compliment Kate :) I’m blushing, but chuffed as they say in England!

  12. There once was a fan from Quebec,
    Who read your post on the deck,
    She burst into laughter,
    Kept smiling thereafter,
    And continued her keyboard to peck.

  13. VP–look what you’ve done! It’s spreading! All the way to Quebec!
    Krys, don’t tell VP I said, so, but good job. That’s a lovely way to tell me you enjoyed yourself!
    (Pretty soon we’ll be able to put out a chapbook of Limericks Inspired by the Sock Wars.)
    –Kate

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